Wednesday, June 15, 2011
On Your Mark, Get Set…
Ladies, get ready to go. Gentleman, be waiting at the finish line. Hugh Hefner (Hef) is officially back on the market. And at 85 years old, time is of the essence. This is a race to the finish, and the last one standing wins (think of this as the next season of “The Bachelor” and ladies you’re in it to win it). There are some serious gains at stake – for the (single of course) ladies and gentlemen (sorry happily married people you’ll just have to live vicariously). First, whichever lucky lady lands Hef will likely land her very own E! reality show. Second is the glamorous lifestyle Hef’s leading lady enjoys: living in a mansion (granted the 10pm curfew isn’t great), working hard on the tan, and mingling with celebrities. Third is never having to wait on line for anything, ever. Hey, it’s a tough life but somebody’s got to do it.
Gentlemen, there’s potential for you to benefit too. It’s no secret that Hef’s girlfriends have boys who are “just friends” on the side (as in Kendra was “just friends” with that football player and magically moved in with him right after she left the mansion). If you just happen to be that boy “friend” it’s quite possible some of those benefits could trickle down to you (“friends with benefits”). But wait, if you stick with it, there’s more.
As they say with most good things, at some point the relationship will likely come to an end (and no one will see it coming). Looking at previous trends, Hef’s ladies don’t walk away empty handed, and there is a direct relationship (“correlation”) between the seriousness of the relationship and the post-relationship reward. Case in point: Hef bought his last wife the mansion next door! A beautiful new home would be a fantastic parting gift; it would provide a direct benefit to you and an indirect benefit to the housing market. The housing market sure could use the hospitality – according to survey results released today (called the “Housing Market Index”) that depicts home builders’ confidence in the housing market, morale is low. Home builders do not expect home sales to improve, as building costs are increasing while home prices and sales are decreasing. An index of “50” or greater indicates more builders believe sales conditions are good than not – in June the index came in at “13,” the lowest since last September. The index has not been above “50” since April 2006, and June was the 8th lowest month in the survey’s 26 year history. Given the importance of the housing market to our economy (it’s pretty important – you saw what happened to the economy when the housing market tanked and how neither are fully recovered), at this point every home sale counts. Which region has the weakest prospects? That would be the Western U.S., maybe you could move into the other mansion neighboring Hef.
What if others criticize this idea (are they jealous)? Explain that underlying this master plan are the best of intentions: you see the economic recovery is weakening and you want to do your part to help (how thoughtful)! You should be commended for your ingenuity, for your long-term plan to reallocate wealth to sectors of the economy (like housing) that are suffering. Get ready, get set, GO.
(National Association of Home Builders)